A couple of days back, my co-passenger in the bus was reading an article titled ‘Neglect by children makes couple end lives.’ Though I couldn’t go through the details as it was somebody else’s paper, it was very perturbing. I began to think about the task of child rearing and concluded that it is not only the greatest task but also a service that we are rendering to the society at large, to the child her(him)self and above all to God. Parents these days believe that it would suffice just to take care of the material needs of children – providing quality education that can guarantee a promising career and all the material comforts to keep the child satisfied in all respects. Yesterday’s luxuries have become today’s necessities and since parents are so prompt in making things readily available to children, the present day child believes that she/he deserves everything on a platter. With increasing exposure to media, every home having at least a computer with an Internet connection; the young impressionable mind is subject to all kinds of influences mostly negative.

Gone are the days when parents disciplined children. Although it’s important you shower your love and affection upon your child, of equal importance is the need to discipline your child to ensure he’s led into the right path. Disciplining does not necessarily mean whacking up the child but correcting her/him in a way that he or she will never want to repeat the error. Proverbs 22 sums up a parent’s responsibility in the 6^th verse, “Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn away from it.” I’ve noticed so many parents who like to see their child(ren) exalted and other children being put down. Some parents keep mum when children disrespect elder people. When there is no instruction as to the proper manner of behaviour or disposition,HOW CAN PARENTS EXPECT CHILDREN TO TREAT THEM WELL IN THEIR OLD AGE?????????

Ask Sylvester Stallone, no one knows better than this actor on the subject of raising a family. In his interview to Catholic Digest he said; “I’ve taken my kids on some of my recent trips to third world countries so they can see how other people live and struggle. This is where you start to see what really matters in life — not the “things” and not the fame. It comes down to loving and giving, and the best place to start to learn that is within the family unit”

Let’s hope parents come to realize how vital their role is in moulding a child.

Merry Christmas to readers of my posts!

Baseless misunderstandings can ruin relationships between men and women (especially between spouses) unless the cause for the trouble is rightly identified. In a great number of cases, the problem has its roots in the conversational styles employed by men and women rather than personal failings which are commonly ascribed to the falling relationships. To men, communicating is all about gaining the upper hand, preventing them from being underestimated and negotiating their status in a group. Women, on the other hand, view communication as a way to establish support and intimacy. The two opposing yet valid frequencies bring about the conflict.

In Deborah Tannen's book, 'You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', she points out that men and women follow different patterns in communication while socializing and are largely determined by the mental make-up of the two sexes.

I have elaborated on just three instances that happen in our every day life which i believe would help banish the blame and pave way for a healthy and enduring relationship.

Women seek comfort, men more keen on offering solutions

The other day, i tried confiding in my partner giving him an account of some annoying episodes that filled my day. I anticipated him to be a bridge over troubled waters, instead he offered solutions that included me mending my ways to handle the situation better. Presenting complaints is perceived by men as a 'challenge requiring solutions' as opposed to women who seek emotional support.

Men need independence, women look for joint decision – making

This apparently is happening in all relationships. Quite often, the husband calls up his wife informing her that he is on his way home with friends for dinner. Women find it difficult to appreciate this information given at a short notice and cribs for not having been told / consulted earlier. For men, checking with his wife is a manifestation of his complete dependence and his inability to act on his own. Given a similar situation, the wife would take pride in saying that she has to consult her husband as a symbol of love and respect and demonstrate how her own life is intertwined with her husband's.

Requests taken as orders

Many a time, women are put to wonder why men get so affected by statements like ' Let's have dinner now' or 'let's go out'. Some men fail to understand that these are merely suggestions and not orders. Though uttered with an intention to seek permission, it backfires and men tend to feel they are manipulated to get things done indirectly.

Both men and women need to understand the inherent differences in their respective communication styles failing which can prove tough for both. While women can be more wary in trying not to except a girl-like response from men, men too should attempt to understand that the poor woman is trying to relate and is not merely jabbering.

How many times you felt like you wanted to disappear from the scene when people took shots at you reducing you to less than nothing? How many times you felt humiliated when met with cutting words? Handling sarcasm is not easy cause you feel a strong urge to react in kind but you are unable to use those verbal jabs to match his/her wit. Afterall sarcasm is a lowest form of wit. On occasions, the put-downs are so subtle that though they don't seem to mean anything serious, they are uttered in tones that spite you.

So Beware of Malicious tongues! If you're going to show yourself as deeply affected by sharp words, you're simply asking for more of it. Retaliating either, won't help much as you would be accused of being sensitive and having no taste for humour. A more wise alternative would be to seek explanation for the hidden message conveyed, this however has to be done patiently and politely.

And if you are equally sarcastic as the perpetrator, show him how wit could be used more constructively. To cite an instance, -' I don't know how you could have such nice pals. An appropriate response would be 'yeah, that's why you are my friend.'

But like everything, sarcasm is not always bad. It is required for having fun. You need to make out statements that are acerbic and statements that are not. To nasty ones, you can choose to ignore them and keep your wig on. Yes, that's one thing you can do. That way you are giving no importance to their skillful way of playing with words or their so called cleverness.

There is hardly any one who can maintain that he or she has a stress free life. At some point or the other, people face stressful situations. Neverthless, to some extent, I believe stress is a necessity and not merely desirable especially in workplaces to facilitate good performance. Referring to such situations as drive or motivation, people fail to realise that it is also a form of stress having positive implications and is defined as the eustress. However, when stress reaches extreme levels, for instance, when there is too much pressure on the individual at workplace or elsewhere, the end result would be a distress .

While we know fully well that stress has to be overcome, what really matters is the strategy we employ to combat stress or that excess strain on our physical and mental energy.

Here is a guide to provide you relief from that monotony and drudgery of everyday life:

1) When faced with a stressful situation, try to think of a joyful event that will happen eventually. It could be something like your best friend's wedding, the following month etc. Start planning your shopping list. You will find yourself engaged in a more interesting occupation.

2) As you know even boredom leads to stress.Introduce creativity in your work and consider out of the box thinking. Choose a different course or pattern for accomplishing your routine tasks.

3) When things go out of control, resort to the flight mechanism, say for example, go on a holiday to your favourite place along with your loved one.

4) While there is so much to listening to music and is often citied as a good stress buster, I would also suggest you sing out loudly and dance to some good tunes.Though you get exhausted, you can't be more happy, I bet.

5) This one has helped me much - just note down all your emotions in a diary, it needn't necessarily make sense and there you are providing an outlet for your surpressed emotions.

6) Pick up a couple of friends with you and go to your favourite joint to indulge your appetite.

7) For those who have a craze for shopping, set out on a shopping spree, there's nothing like it.

8) Collect your clothes that you don't use owing to their misfit and give them (and some money) to a charitable home. You will experience the joy of giving and know there's more to giving than receiving.

9) Pursue any or all activities that are of interest to you.

10) Try out some puzzles to have your mind occupied. At a time, I had really became a sudoku addict.

I have found these tips very useful and I recommend them to you to be supplemented with other well known techniques prescribed by renowned psychologists. So what's stopping you from enjoying everyday life ?!??

While they are ok on some occasions, in others they are not. Theologically speaking, thou shall not lie. Neverthless, white lies are most desirable in protecting people's sentiments and safeguarding relationships. A friend asks you if you like her dress, a real expensive one, you definetely won't like to hurt her, even if you don't like it and proceed to say it is good.

Sometimes when i criticise my sister saying she is a real pain , i instantly add this ' i was just joking' - therefore you see a white lie is needed to prevent the issue from flaring up. As long as you want to remain sensitive to other's feelings, white lies are alright. Given these situations, white lies are most warranted, on the otherhand the plain truth could prove destructive.
Replacing white lies with tact is also a wise course. To cite an example: 'You look good in your new hair cut' is a lie. 'The haircut doesn't suit you' is the aching truth and 'You look different in your new hair cut'  employs tact. Being diplomatic is ideal in such cases.

Sometimes people have a tendency to exaggerate mistaking them to be white lies. Take this case: a friend of mine purchases a flat and i don't like the locality nor does the house look impressive to me and If I were to remark that the house looks extremely beautiful and is situated in the most ideal locality, that would tantamount to an exaggeration, a lie as there is so much deception in the statement. A more discreet comment like ' the house is fine'  is recommended.

Dr. Ludwig, a psychotherapist, holds that white lies are ok for 'passing plesantries' , like talking of Santa's presents to kids etc. - are intended to create a fun filled environment. But take caution,  too many white lies too are not ok as you run the risk of losing your reputation and the trust imposed in you by people