Christmas is at hand, only a month to go. Preparations have already begun – trying to identify the right source from where I can have my Christmas sweets etc. prepared, planning on decorations and thinking hard about how I should groom myself on Christmas eve. All are perfectly fine and God can't be happier when we are happy with our Christmas preparations. But there this petulant issue that's grabbing away my peace of mind. I must confess, that for the past couple of months I've been experiencing an annoying conflict between my ego and superego where my ego seeks to defend myself and take revenge and my superego is in constant effort to keep things in check.

The lessons of forgiveness learnt all through my life fail to permeate in my deeds and thoughts and I wait for every bright opportunity to fight back, take revenge till my ego has been thoroughly satisfied. But am I doing myself any good? I know for sure, I am not. I am permitting my soul to be ravaged. Every Sunday, I faithfully go to church to listen to the biblical readings and the most inspiring of sermons which are a call to forgive and love. Yet I find it difficult to take the call seriously. Was it said for nothing 'The spirit is willing but the flesh is too weak' ??? I am no different from the pharisees whom Christ perceived as downright hypocrites.

Last night, I could feel that my bitterness had become so vehement so much so I couldn't sleep in peace. I realized it was high time I give up my unforgiving attitude lest my prayers and the efforts to have a meaningful Christmas would be futile. After all, Christmas is a season of love and a time to bury our hatred. So it's pointless if I put up the crib / Christmas tree, have the best of clothes and reach on time for mass, have the daily supplements of prayer and Bible reading if I harbour so much hatred and fail to reach out to people in love (regardless of caste, creed, religion). This Christmas I would want to open the eyes of my heart. I've made up my mind, with God's grace I am going to forgive all those who've abused me verbally, all those who've treated me with contempt, all those who've dressed me down. I love and bless them all. This is the birthday gift I've planned to give to Christ.