Baseless misunderstandings can ruin relationships between men and women (especially between spouses) unless the cause for the trouble is rightly identified. In a great number of cases, the problem has its roots in the conversational styles employed by men and women rather than personal failings which are commonly ascribed to the falling relationships. To men, communicating is all about gaining the upper hand, preventing them from being underestimated and negotiating their status in a group. Women, on the other hand, view communication as a way to establish support and intimacy. The two opposing yet valid frequencies bring about the conflict.

In Deborah Tannen's book, 'You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', she points out that men and women follow different patterns in communication while socializing and are largely determined by the mental make-up of the two sexes.

I have elaborated on just three instances that happen in our every day life which i believe would help banish the blame and pave way for a healthy and enduring relationship.

Women seek comfort, men more keen on offering solutions

The other day, i tried confiding in my partner giving him an account of some annoying episodes that filled my day. I anticipated him to be a bridge over troubled waters, instead he offered solutions that included me mending my ways to handle the situation better. Presenting complaints is perceived by men as a 'challenge requiring solutions' as opposed to women who seek emotional support.

Men need independence, women look for joint decision – making

This apparently is happening in all relationships. Quite often, the husband calls up his wife informing her that he is on his way home with friends for dinner. Women find it difficult to appreciate this information given at a short notice and cribs for not having been told / consulted earlier. For men, checking with his wife is a manifestation of his complete dependence and his inability to act on his own. Given a similar situation, the wife would take pride in saying that she has to consult her husband as a symbol of love and respect and demonstrate how her own life is intertwined with her husband's.

Requests taken as orders

Many a time, women are put to wonder why men get so affected by statements like ' Let's have dinner now' or 'let's go out'. Some men fail to understand that these are merely suggestions and not orders. Though uttered with an intention to seek permission, it backfires and men tend to feel they are manipulated to get things done indirectly.

Both men and women need to understand the inherent differences in their respective communication styles failing which can prove tough for both. While women can be more wary in trying not to except a girl-like response from men, men too should attempt to understand that the poor woman is trying to relate and is not merely jabbering.