I had some time to unwind so I thought I’ll utilize it to complete the bit on Shocking Revelation. Of course, there can’t be such thing as completing what I want to convey as there are a great number of events that have happened and would leave us all stupefied if I begin to enumerate each of them. Just like in Part 1 wherein I spoke about a devout atheist, I think one instance would suffice here too. By the way, in the previous episode, the atheist after experiencing the most frightening thing of his life, went home, took his dusty Bible and began to read the Word. He gave his life to God from then on. As for the man who was resuscitated, God had given him another chance and he dedicated the rest of his life to his Maker.

There has long been a debate on the existence of Purgatory, some deny that it exists misquoting the scriptures where the Rich Man in Hades (who all through his luxurious life never wanted to help the beggar, Lazarus lying in rags outside his gate) pleads with Abraham in heaven: “ask Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am in agony in these flames.” To which Abraham replied, “……..And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.” Most people erroneously believe that because the verse says that there is a chasm, there can’t exist a purgatory. This is a total misinterpretation. Here is what it is; “Purgatory is a step before Heaven where believers are cleansed up for the “wedding banquet” of the Lord in Heaven. Not all believers have to go through Purgatory (some go straight to Heaven) but all people in Purgatory eventually make it to Heaven. They are the elect.”

When a person dies, ( say an average Christian who has fulfilled his religious obligations, done charity, lived a righteous life yet has had his minor faults), it would be an underestimation of God’s justice to assume that such a person would be admitted into the kingdom of heaven without making reparation for the small errors which are not usually counted as very serious offenses against God. Inasmuch as the soul cannot enter into heaven without being purged for offenses of less gravity, so it is also impossible for a soul to be damned for minor faults. After all, He is a merciful God, mercy being his greatest attribute.

There are umpteen verses in the Bible clearly indicating the existence of purgatory, although the word hasn’t been used. To quote the most popular one: Mathew 12: 32, … Jesus said, “And whosoever shall speak a word against the Son of man, it shall be forgiven him: but he that shall speak against the Holy Ghost, it shall not be forgiven him neither in this world, nor in the world to come. Thus you see it can be confidently said that the world to come is nothing but purgatory as there is no forgiveness in hell and there is no need for forgiveness in heaven as the soul has been purified.

This is a true story told about a soul that visited a religious sister after being sent to Purgatory. This is an episode given in Father Rossignoli’s book, Merveilles du Purgatoire.

A painter of great skill and otherwise exemplary life had once made a painting not at all conformable to the strict rules of Christian modesty. It was one of those paintings which, under the pretext of being works of art, are found in the best families, and the sight of which causes the loss of so many souls.

Soon, however, renouncing this pernicious style, he confined himself to the production of religious pictures, or at least of those which were perfectly irreproachable. Finally, he was painting a large picture in the convent of the discalced Carmelites, when he was attacked by a mortal malady. Feeling that he was about to die, he asked the Prior to allow him to be interred in the church of the monastery, and bequeathed to the community his earnings, which amounted to a considerable sum of money, charging them to have Masses said for the repose of his soul. He died in pious sentiments, and a few days passed, when a Religious who had stayed in the choir after Matins saw him appear in the midst of flames and sighing piteously.

“What!” said the Religious, “have you to endure such pain, after leading so good a life and dying so holy a death?”

“Alas!” replied he, “it is on account of the immodest picture that I painted some years ago. When I appeared before the tribunal of the Sovereign Judge, a crowd of accusers came to give evidence against me. They declared that they had been excited to improper thoughts and evil desires by a picture, the work of my hand. In consequence of those bad thoughts some were in Purgatory, others in Hell. The latter cried for vengeance, saying that, having been the cause of their eternal perdition, I deserved, at least, the same punishment. Then the Blessed Virgin and the saints whom I had glorified by my pictures took up my defense. They represented to the Judge that the unfortunate painting had been the work of youth, and of which I had repented; that I had repaired it afterwards by religious objects which had been a source of edification to souls.

In consideration of these and other reasons, the Sovereign Judge declared that, on account of my repentance and my good works, I should be exempt from damnation; but at the same time, He condemned me to these flames until that picture should be burned, so that it could no longer scandalize anyone.”

If such are the consequences of an immodest picture, what then, will be the punishment of the sill more disastrous scandals resulting from bad books, bad papers, bad schools, and bad conversations?

I can only say that we’ll do good by praying for these souls in purgatory as that not only would be the greatest act of charity but also would be what is greatly required of us by Jesus.

I’m back with something that might annoy most of you. Nevertheless, I can’t stop talking about the truth. Coming to the heart of the matter. To most people, religion is nothing more than a set of principles to live by, while to some its totally meaningless and again to others its some kind of duty to be faithfully observed to give that allegiance to some obscure God, the existence of which they ‘re not sure of. Have you ever given a serious thought to what comes out of living a life as per one’s whims and fancies? Have you wondered why at all human beings ever exist and why is it we are superior to all other living creatures? Most people believe that the physical world we live in is everything, at the end of which we become extinct.

Well, everybody has their right to their belief and nobody can be deprived of that right. But it’s important we believe in what is right. I was raised in a Catholic home, but my faith has less to do with my Catholic upbringing and has more to do with my experience I had with God… well nothing great, infact I haven’t had any vision, haven’t spoken in tongues, had not had any prophetic message or anything like that. Just that his presence gives me an indescribable joy and of course, those inner healings which I’m sure most Christians would have had some time in their lives. Among all the things that I believe in about God is the place we go after our death. I am convinced that the place we reach after death is far more real than the physical world we live in. It’s either Hell, Heaven or Purgatory.

This is an excerpt from Beyond Death’s Door which recounts the experience of a cardiologist who was a confirmed atheist, a real shocking revelation:

Several years ago a book was published, entitled Beyond Death’s Door by Dr. Maurice Rawlings. Dr. Rawlings, a specialist in Internal Medicine and Cardiovascular Disease, resuscitated many people who had been clinically dead. Dr. Rawlings, a devout atheist, “considered all religion “hocus-pocus” and death nothing more than a painless extinction”. But something happened in 1977 that brought a dramatic change in the life of Dr. Rawlings! He was resuscitating a man, terrified and screaming — descending down into the flames of hell:

“Each time he regained heartbeat and respiration, the patient screamed, “I am in hell!” He was terrified and pleaded with me to help him. I was scared to death. . . Then I noticed a genuinely alarmed look on his face. He had a terrified look worse than the expression seen in death! This patient had a grotesque grimace expressing sheer horror! His pupils were dilated, and he was perspiring and trembling — he looked as if his hair was “on end.”

Then still another strange thing happened. He said,”Don’t you understand? I am in hell. . . Don’t let me go back to hell!” . . .the man was serious, and it finally occurred to me that he was indeed in trouble. He was in a panic like I had never seen before.”

(Maurice Rawlings, Beyond Death’s Door,(Thomas Nelson Inc., 1979) p. 3).

Dr. Rawlings said, no one, who could have heard his screams and saw the look of terror on his face could doubt for a single minute that he was actually in a place called hell!

The Bible continually warns of a place called hell. There are over 162 references in the New Testament alone which warns of hell. And over 70 of these references were uttered by the Lord Jesus Christ!

The above excerpt is just one of the myriad examples that can be quoted. Meet you in my next post.

“That person is unscrupulous because she belongs to the dash* community” Such statements are made by all of us who have fallen into the habit of stereotyping. Superficiality is immanent in our society which is why we inveterately categorize people just because of the actions of few people. For those incognizant, statements made to identify persons based on the social or ethnic group they belong to is called stereotyping. Essentially, this is an error in perception, is largely demeaning and is due to our inability to discern people, events and facts. How often have people ridiculed fat people for their physical appearances saying they eat all day or are lazy with no exercising. We are killing the very fabric of their self esteem. Have we ever realized that most obese people have some kind of malfunction or disease?

The preconceived notions we have about many seem to push them to behave in a fashion we dread exactly. I always dislike men who are very fair (this is no allusion to any race) which is based on my opinion that they are arrogant and mean. Whenever I get to meet these men, my unintentional rude behaviour induces them to give off bad vibes and I’m quick to conclude that my perceptions are accurate. On the contrary, they appear to be entirely different in their discourse with others.

Gender stereotyping are common occurrences as well and has become a social norm too. The most common attribute ascribed to a woman is jealousy and men are blamed often for being selfish and not sympathetic. To top these, we have popular beliefs like “Women are better communicators / managers than men.” It’s not always so. These baseless stereotyping must stop as it is the fundamental reason for most cultural and identity issues.

Words and gestures have a profound impact, so be wary while using a word or showing a gesture. It enthralls to give and receive words of appreciation / kindness but could be killing when words are used with the intent of belittling someone. Every time we speak, we must be careful with our choice of words if at all we want to be empathetic. Surely none of us would like to be a raving maniac. As all of us are subject to enormous pressure and only the fittest can survive these days, we tend to get angry with people and situations. It’s normal to be angry but the anger should be short lived and should not lead us to harm others while venting our feelings. There was a time when I always reacted when faced with alarming situations or erratic people. Just a few months back, I blew up my neighbors and called them by all possible names, which I’m sure would be a rude awakening to anyone who comes to know of the kind of words I used. I had been accumulating my feelings for seven months when I received those disparaging remarks from them and one fine day I couldn’t control myself any further that I began to use very filthy language to abuse them. But honestly, though I thought I succeeded, it didn’t make me feel any better. In fact, a sense of guilt enveloped me and it was only then I realized the power of words. Although reparation has been done and the guilt has also been overcome, what has been said remains as being said. That day I made up my mind to talk less and to utter words carefully.

Gestures, if you’ve ever thought about them, amplifies the impact of words rather than merely enhancing the quality of speech. When you’re words are in conflict with your gestures, the latter becomes predominant. So when you see someone to whom you hold a strong dislike or the very sight of whom upsets you, do not show any gesture of contempt such as sulking etc. as it can have several connotations and could be more wounding than words. Next time, you want to use words and gestures, make sure it builds relationships or at least does not disintegrate them.

A couple of days back, my co-passenger in the bus was reading an article titled ‘Neglect by children makes couple end lives.’ Though I couldn’t go through the details as it was somebody else’s paper, it was very perturbing. I began to think about the task of child rearing and concluded that it is not only the greatest task but also a service that we are rendering to the society at large, to the child her(him)self and above all to God. Parents these days believe that it would suffice just to take care of the material needs of children – providing quality education that can guarantee a promising career and all the material comforts to keep the child satisfied in all respects. Yesterday’s luxuries have become today’s necessities and since parents are so prompt in making things readily available to children, the present day child believes that she/he deserves everything on a platter. With increasing exposure to media, every home having at least a computer with an Internet connection; the young impressionable mind is subject to all kinds of influences mostly negative.

Gone are the days when parents disciplined children. Although it’s important you shower your love and affection upon your child, of equal importance is the need to discipline your child to ensure he’s led into the right path. Disciplining does not necessarily mean whacking up the child but correcting her/him in a way that he or she will never want to repeat the error. Proverbs 22 sums up a parent’s responsibility in the 6^th verse, “Train a child in the way he should go, and even when he is old he will not turn away from it.” I’ve noticed so many parents who like to see their child(ren) exalted and other children being put down. Some parents keep mum when children disrespect elder people. When there is no instruction as to the proper manner of behaviour or disposition,HOW CAN PARENTS EXPECT CHILDREN TO TREAT THEM WELL IN THEIR OLD AGE?????????

Ask Sylvester Stallone, no one knows better than this actor on the subject of raising a family. In his interview to Catholic Digest he said; “I’ve taken my kids on some of my recent trips to third world countries so they can see how other people live and struggle. This is where you start to see what really matters in life — not the “things” and not the fame. It comes down to loving and giving, and the best place to start to learn that is within the family unit”

Let’s hope parents come to realize how vital their role is in moulding a child.

Merry Christmas to readers of my posts!

Christmas is at hand, only a month to go. Preparations have already begun – trying to identify the right source from where I can have my Christmas sweets etc. prepared, planning on decorations and thinking hard about how I should groom myself on Christmas eve. All are perfectly fine and God can't be happier when we are happy with our Christmas preparations. But there this petulant issue that's grabbing away my peace of mind. I must confess, that for the past couple of months I've been experiencing an annoying conflict between my ego and superego where my ego seeks to defend myself and take revenge and my superego is in constant effort to keep things in check.

The lessons of forgiveness learnt all through my life fail to permeate in my deeds and thoughts and I wait for every bright opportunity to fight back, take revenge till my ego has been thoroughly satisfied. But am I doing myself any good? I know for sure, I am not. I am permitting my soul to be ravaged. Every Sunday, I faithfully go to church to listen to the biblical readings and the most inspiring of sermons which are a call to forgive and love. Yet I find it difficult to take the call seriously. Was it said for nothing 'The spirit is willing but the flesh is too weak' ??? I am no different from the pharisees whom Christ perceived as downright hypocrites.

Last night, I could feel that my bitterness had become so vehement so much so I couldn't sleep in peace. I realized it was high time I give up my unforgiving attitude lest my prayers and the efforts to have a meaningful Christmas would be futile. After all, Christmas is a season of love and a time to bury our hatred. So it's pointless if I put up the crib / Christmas tree, have the best of clothes and reach on time for mass, have the daily supplements of prayer and Bible reading if I harbour so much hatred and fail to reach out to people in love (regardless of caste, creed, religion). This Christmas I would want to open the eyes of my heart. I've made up my mind, with God's grace I am going to forgive all those who've abused me verbally, all those who've treated me with contempt, all those who've dressed me down. I love and bless them all. This is the birthday gift I've planned to give to Christ.

If a genie were to ask you, “tell me your wish, and you'll have it granted.” Most of us would spontaneously ask or atleast be tempted to wish for a life devoid of obstacles. The truth is life is riddled with difficulties, thank God and living through these very adversities ( whether we know it or not ) help us grow stronger. Adversity is painful yet a wonderful teacher that can impart lessons of a life time. A closer look at our lives will tell that along with hardships, we are also given the ability to endure them. While we face these challenges with gusto, we are uncovering those heroic dimensions in us – resilience, humility, forgiveness, tolerance, valor, fortitude etc and at the end, we would be surprised to discover a mighty person in ourselves who can move mountains.

Our lives are besieged with problems, one way or the other, and we have to be resilient or recover from misfortunes. Certainly it will take time for those wounds to heal, but we need to ensure it takes less time rather than remain in pain for an indefinite period.

As I was reading this anthology edited by Art Martin and Tony Stubbs, these lines really struck my fancy:

'What makes a person a winner? I have discovered it is not money and wealth at all. It is all attitude and belief about ourselves. Winners live in peace, happiness, harmony, joy with unconditional love and abundance."

For most of us, our problems are so dispiriting as we refuse to see past them. In this regard, I would like to mention that brooding never helps. We have to bounce back from difficulties rapidly and keep moving forward.

One major impact of adversity is that the consequences endanger other areas of life. Learn to isolate the problem from everything else and you'll find your peace.

Adversities, though painful are a necessary evil. We can't do without them if we are to grow into a spiritually mature person. All that makes the difference is our perception of adversities and our will to overcome them.

Consider this hackneyed term ‘benchmarking’ people use in organizations to measure the actuals against predetermined standards. It is said to be one of the best practices by which organizations examine the slack in performance and take measures to make up for the decrease in activity. Well, I am not concerned with how this widely recognized practice facilitates good performance in workplaces. I am actually referring to how this practice (which has it’s origin in Egypt) affects our personal lives too.

A typical home scenario would be thus:

Mom: “How much did you score in Maths?”

Daughter: 98%

Mom: How much did Sheela score? (Sheela’s mom and the daughter’s mom are supposed to be thick pals)

Daughter: 100%

Mom: That’s bad! So where have you lost those two marks?

And the rest, you can tell. In the daughter’s case, the standard is Sheela and falling short of this standard can in no way be tolerated by her mom. But barely does she realize that she’s turning the standard to her daughter’s enemy and ultimately the little girl ends up harboring hatred in her heart for her so called friend. Almost everywhere, comparisons are being made and have become a way of life for almost everyone. At times, we experience some kind of high when we compare ourselves with others and find them less productive. My point is that why can’t we be our own benchmarks and give up our concerns over what our neighbours can do or have? For instance, (in the above case), the mom could have simply said, “now that you have achieved 98%, strive hard for a centum next time”

‘Self benchmarking’ which implies a personal assessment and setting our goals based on that assessment is what we should do. We shouldn’t get stacked up in comparison with others.

One intriguing Biblical text that I’d like to quote in this connection is John 21:20-23:

“Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. When Peter saw him, he asked, ‘Lord, what about him?’

Jesus answered, ‘If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.’

In summary, our targets should be based on the best we can give and not on our neighbor’s best. “Love thy neighbor”

There really ain't anything giving a right perspective of humility. Funnily or sadly, you have every other proud soul thinking of himself to be humble. Get this plain as a pikestaff, anyone who comes to the forefront to display his achievements or deeds is nothing less than a proud soul. But the good news is that even in this self seeking world, you can find those few who prefer to remain unnoticed for their good works. They are typically whom you can confidently label as 'meek and humble'.

Humility vs. Pride - a subject that's very relevant to be taken up for discussion particularly in a society like ours that's composed of people who have it in them to feel proud about their very existence. Many a time, I find it difficult to digest when popular figures are lauded for works of charity and when they give responses like ' I'll do anything for the poor,' the onlookers who observe this attribute are quick to consider the person humble, only next to Jesus Christ! And there's these another peculiar category who does some seemingly good deed and go about publicising - 'Don't tell anyone.' These are perfect illustrations of pride in various forms often wrongly termed as 'humility'. And this one I should mention - A snap of a rich popular figure (I''l land myself in trouble if I mention the name) sitting in the midst of a common mass is being captured to demonstrate an act of humility. The fact that he perceives a difference between himself and the rest of the crowd is sufficent to know that he has an air of pride.

Well, what then it is to be truly humble?

Here's an instance to substantiate on that: Almost everyone would have faced circumstances where they would have been mocked at or criticised, reasons could be many and any, some not at all reasonable. And the common reaction is of one defending oneself - a course of action guided by natural instincts. When somebody mocks at you and you don't utter a word to defend yourself, then you have mastered the virtue of humility. You might argue, raising the issue of 'self esteem.' No, by doing so, you are not undermining your self worth, you are just reminding yourself that you are not so great afterall.

Another case in point is about our reaction to receiving accolades. Assume that you are  a recipient of some great award. If you are humble. you'll simply be happy and remain calm amd composed recognising that those inherent abilities that helped you achieve have been put in you by your creator. All what you have is not really yours, you owe them to the one above.

I am not trying to urge you to shed that vice of pride and go on to instill the virtue of humility in you. Just to remind you that it is not only erroneous but also unforgivable when you call a proud soul 'humble.'

Baseless misunderstandings can ruin relationships between men and women (especially between spouses) unless the cause for the trouble is rightly identified. In a great number of cases, the problem has its roots in the conversational styles employed by men and women rather than personal failings which are commonly ascribed to the falling relationships. To men, communicating is all about gaining the upper hand, preventing them from being underestimated and negotiating their status in a group. Women, on the other hand, view communication as a way to establish support and intimacy. The two opposing yet valid frequencies bring about the conflict.

In Deborah Tannen's book, 'You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation', she points out that men and women follow different patterns in communication while socializing and are largely determined by the mental make-up of the two sexes.

I have elaborated on just three instances that happen in our every day life which i believe would help banish the blame and pave way for a healthy and enduring relationship.

Women seek comfort, men more keen on offering solutions

The other day, i tried confiding in my partner giving him an account of some annoying episodes that filled my day. I anticipated him to be a bridge over troubled waters, instead he offered solutions that included me mending my ways to handle the situation better. Presenting complaints is perceived by men as a 'challenge requiring solutions' as opposed to women who seek emotional support.

Men need independence, women look for joint decision – making

This apparently is happening in all relationships. Quite often, the husband calls up his wife informing her that he is on his way home with friends for dinner. Women find it difficult to appreciate this information given at a short notice and cribs for not having been told / consulted earlier. For men, checking with his wife is a manifestation of his complete dependence and his inability to act on his own. Given a similar situation, the wife would take pride in saying that she has to consult her husband as a symbol of love and respect and demonstrate how her own life is intertwined with her husband's.

Requests taken as orders

Many a time, women are put to wonder why men get so affected by statements like ' Let's have dinner now' or 'let's go out'. Some men fail to understand that these are merely suggestions and not orders. Though uttered with an intention to seek permission, it backfires and men tend to feel they are manipulated to get things done indirectly.

Both men and women need to understand the inherent differences in their respective communication styles failing which can prove tough for both. While women can be more wary in trying not to except a girl-like response from men, men too should attempt to understand that the poor woman is trying to relate and is not merely jabbering.